Jesus asked this question on more than one occasion. He asked 'what do you want?' as a tactic to reveal the heart, just as my mentors had as they pushed me to articulate my career hopes. However, Jesus went further still on one occasion when He asked 'what do you want me to do for you?' We know that Jesus works in us, and through us, but when was the last time you told Jesus, explicitly, what you want Him to do for you.....?
This week two very senior professional women who I consider to be my Mentors both asked me, completely independently, 'what do you want?'
I couldn't answer them. I tried. I blagged and faffed my way through rambling responses about my journey so far, my strengths, my frustrations.. but I didn't answer the question. I couldn't answer the question.
They were as surprised as I was.
Of course I know I have many hopes, dreams, aspirations but when put on the spot to articulate them, nothing coherent came out. Mentors can't work with incoherent.
I decided there and then to work out what I want, and work out a way to get it out of my heart and over my lips and be bold enough to say it out loud.
That evening, I went to my office and created a New Document. I titled it: "What I Want".
I stared at that otherwise blank screen for over an hour. Why is this so hard?
Twice my husband popped his head round the door to check on me. Twice he just smiled knowingly when I said 'I still can't answer it - why can't I answer it?' It was getting late. I pushed myself to just start to write something, anything.
So my first sentence began... "I want...." and 40 minutes later I had a full page, free-flow, slow-won but heart-felt desires right there. Black and white.
I felt exposed.
It felt audacious.
Dare I show it to my mentor at our meeting the next day? What would she say? Was it too demanding? Too selfish? Too brazen? And right there in the self-doubts and interrogation I found a clue to my reluctance - I've never been asked this before. I've been told what I want, but never asked.
I've been taught what to want, but never asked.
Jesus asked this question on more than one occasion. He asked 'what do you want?' as a tactic to reveal the heart, just as my mentors had as they pushed me to articulate my career hopes. However, Jesus went further still on one occasion when He asked 'what do you want me to do for you?'
Isn't that mind-blowing? The servant King, the Word, the Way, the Truth, the Life, the living Son of God looked Mankind in the eye and asked 'what do you want me to do for you?' He is looking you in the eye each day asking you the same question. What do you want Him to do for you. It feels selfish, audacious, exposing.. all those things. But most of all, it will liberate you if you can just. say. it. Pray it. Commit it. See what He can do for you.